


Dollhouse

by demidean



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe, Blow Jobs, Bottom Tyler Joseph, Degradation, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Dubious Drug Use, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hair-pulling, Heroin, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, More tags as the story goes on, Roommates, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Repression, Top Josh Dun, Tyler is so sassy in this, degrading
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2018-12-26 12:33:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12059082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demidean/pseuds/demidean
Summary: What begins as a transpiring love between Tyler Joseph and Josh dun quickly derails into something far more turbulent when Josh begins a fast downward spiral into the treacherous addiction formed from heroin. They both decide saying goodbye would be the best thing, but unfortunately, goodbye never quite means the end. Dollhouse is the story of love that transpires over and over again, despite all odds and turmoils. It details love thicker than a northern forest.





	1. Chapter 1

         Music blared through the rooms of the packed house, making the floor seem like it was vibrating. People were whooping and hollering as they surrounded a ping pong table set up with red solo cups. There was a twist, however. Instead of beer, they were double shots of alcohol. First one to either tap out or lose their cups loses.

  
         A man who stood tall and sturdy took one end, waiting for an opponent to challenge him. Low and behold, another man made his way to the other end, making eye contact with the taller one. His blue hair took away from the intimidation, but his build and tattoos made up for it. “You’re gonna regret that,” the taller man mumbled with a smirk.

         One intense game later, the blue haired man was hoisted triumphantly onto shoulders as people chanted his name. “Josh! Josh! Josh!”

         He laughed drunkenly, flexing his biceps in various ways to flaunt his victory. After the celebration died down, he found himself stumbling into a random room with some girl. She had said something about ‘better than being drunk’, and the first thing he had thought about sex. Sex is always better than being drunk. It’s also better when you _are_ drunk.

         They entered the room, confronted with the smell of something that resembled burning plastic and vinegar. Josh was taken aback by the sight of people passed out with belts tied around their arms and various needles and pipes scattered around. This is not exactly what he had in mind. “Oh baby, you’re gonna love this,” the girl pulled him in and shut the door behind them. She pushed him down onto a couch and climbed on top of him, latching their lips together.

         Josh didn’t protest, he just kissed back and let whatever was going to happen just happen. Trying something once couldn’t be such a bad thing, right?

         The girl, Debby maybe? He’s pretty sure that was her name anyways. Debby pushed her hips down, grinding against the drunken man, before stealing a belt from one of the seemingly lifeless body and strapping it around his right arm. “You ready baby? This is gonna blow your mind,” she whispered while readying a needle filled with a strange brown looking fluid from a heated spoon. Heroin.

         Josh nodded drunkenly, watching as she carefully pierced his forearm, injecting whatever it was into his body.

         Debby distracted him with sloppy kisses and bites to the neck while the drug settled in. After about five or so minutes of this, she pulled back.

         It was then when Josh felt a wave of euphoria wash over him. A general warmth and coziness settled in the air around him as his eyelids grew heavy. “Oh fuck,” he laughed. He felt... amazing. This isn’t at all what he expected heroin to be like. It was nice, feeling almost as if he were in a dream. A slice of heaven on earth. “So this is the big bad drug everyone is so scared of? I was expecting something more...” his voice trailed off, his thoughts going with it. He snapped back. “What was I saying?” He laughed.

         “Don’t know,” the girl mumbled, snorting a line of a white chalky powder from the table. “Let’s go dance.”

          And that’s what they did. Josh swayed to the beat as Debby jumped and shook to the melody. Time seemed to fly by the two. “How do you feel?” she shouted over the music after what only felt like half an hour.

          Josh laughed lowly. “I feel awesome,” he slurred, “a little thirsty, though.” The dryness in his mouth was made worse with the statement. “I’m gonna go get a drink,” he managed before stumbling into the kitchen and snagging a water bottle from one of the coolers. He chugged it all in one go before checking the clock on the wall. Oh shit... 

          He quickly made his way back to try and find Debby. “I’ve gotta blast, I have somewhere to be tomorrow.” He scratched at his arms. They felt like they were burning. Debby just nodded and held a hand out. “Phone.”

          Josh obeyed, watching as the redhead put her number into his phone.

         “Catch ya later, big boy.” She winked and disappeared into the crowd. Damn she was hot.

          Josh shook his head, still under the effects of the drug. He stumbled out of the door, just in time too.

          Sirens wailed as police car after police car made its way to the house. Josh was lucky enough to had already been around the corner by the time they actually started making arrests.

          He sighed, breath visible in the cool air. Pulling out his phone, he texted one of his friends.

                            _Josh: hey mark, can I hitch a ride home?_ _  
_

                           Mark replied after about two minutes.

                            _Mark: Sure man. Where ya at_ _  
_

                            _Josh: by the old warehouse._ _  
_

                          _Mark: Tyler works at the corner store over there, is it cool if he gives you a ride instead? He can pick you up on his way home_ _  
_

          He sighed, texting back a quick sure. They all shared an apartment. It was Josh, Mark, Tyler, and Michael. Michael was a workaholic, and hardly ever even at the place. Mark was the friend who somehow had money despite not having a job. That leaves Tyler and Josh. Their relationship wasn't exactly interesting, as they've share a room for only a month but hardly speak. Josh is sold on the fact that Tyler hates him, and that’s judging from the way that he looks at him with such disgust and hatred. That’s what it seemed like anyways.

          Josh’s phone beeped. A message from Tyler.

                            _Tyler: Send ur location, just got off work. Wait outside._ _  
_

          Josh did as instructed, looking at the closest house for an address. He waited only about ten minutes before Tyler rolled up. He hopped into the car, relief running through his veins as the heat made contact with his skin. Usually, it would’ve stung a little, nerve shock and all. But not now. Not while he was on the come down.

         “Ugh, god dude,” Tyler grimaced and covered his mouth and nose with his arm. “You smell like vinegar. Why are you even over here?” He rolled down the windows before starting down the street.

          Josh just sat, closing his eyes and enjoying the cold breeze.

         Tyler checked the time. “Sorry it took me so long, there was a party or something going on in one of the houses down the street.” He tried his best to make small talk so it wouldn’t be awkward. “Saw them pulling all kinda druggies out. I think I even saw Brendon there, can you believe that?” Brendon was one of their crazier mutual friends; he was usually at the craziest of parties and more than half of the time, he hosted them. “Josh.”

          Josh opened his eyes, glancing to Tyler with a dumb smile and a glazed over look. “Hm?”

          Tyler’s jaw dropped after it hit him. “You were at that party weren’t you?”

          Josh nodded. “Yeah,” he giggled, “it was pretty fucking fun. I won a vodka-pong against Brendon. He tapped after three cups.” He went on and on, rambling about the party. Tyler was still sitting there, aghast.

         “Were there drugs?” he asked quietly.

          Josh looked to him, brows furrowed in confusion. “Why would you care?”

          Tyler angrily sighed and picked up the speed to the apartment, not answering Josh. He couldn’t believe it. Josh? He was one to party, sure, but drugs? Tyler was beyond pissed.

          They pulled up to the building, Tyler immediately turning to Josh. “Roll up your sleeves.”

          Josh jumped, scratching at where the needle had pierced his skin not but three hours prior. The effects had nearly worn off, leaving him dazed and irritated. “What?” he snapped. “Why?”

          Tyler huffed. “Why do you have a problem with it? Are you hiding something?”

          “I’m not hiding shit, Tyler. I’m 25, and you’re not my fucking mom.” He noticed he was beginning to raise his voice. By now, he decided to just get out of the car and walk away. The smart thing to do. “Fuck you, man. I do what I want.” He drunkenly stumbled up the stairs, shutting the door to their apartment a little too loudly for three in the morning. Tyler sat back in his seat. He’d hate to admit it, but he cared about Josh. One might even say he was a little jealous of him. Josh seemed to have the perfect life. He lived off his parents, had a social life, a smoking hot body, and just so happened to be one of the kindest people Tyler knew (despite the scene that had just happened). He knew he pushed too hard, but honestly, he couldn't fathom Josh just giving up his potential in favor for getting drunk every night.

           He sighed, opening his car door and stepping out into the harsh cold of the November night. Ice covered the windshields of the cars around him and the banisters on the separate balconies. He slowly made his way up the stairs and entered their apartment.

           Tyler was met with the warm smell of pumpkin and a half eaten pie on the counter. “Don’t mind if I do,” he whispered to himself as he snagged a plate from one of the cupboards after kicking his shoes off. It was the least he could do for himself after a long day at work.

           A voice came from the living room. “Save a piece for Mike, it’s his favorite.”

           “Okay, I will,” he replied, taking a piece for himself. “Hey, Mark, where’s the whipped cream?”

           The voice called back, “me and Madison used it all.” The smirk on his face was audible.

           Tyler cringed, making a gagging noise. “Dude, I don’t wanna hear what you and my sister do in bed. That’s nasty.” He looked down at his pie, a sad expression crossing his face. “I don’t even know if I wanna eat this anymore,” he mumbled, poking at it with a fork.  
                  

           He sighed and grabbed his plate. Already got the pie, might as well eat it. Tyler joined Mark on the couch.

           “What’re we watching?” Tyler asked, forcing a disheartened forkful of pie into his mouth. From what he gathered, it was some reality show. 

                          _“I could get Rob an internship! I know a lot of guys at the university.”_ _  
_                           _“Yeah, cause she slept with half of the football team.”_

 

            Tyler laughed. He took the opportunity to shove another fork full of pie into his already full mouth.

            Mark laughed, too. Keeping Up with the Kardashians was his guilty pleasure. Josh and Mike always teased him about it, so it was refreshing to watch with someone who didn’t really care.

            Tyler’s phone buzzed in his pocket just as he was about to eat the last piece of his pie. He looked at the fork, frowned and set it down to be replaced by the phone.

                             _Josh: hey can u come here_ _  
_

                            _Tyler: Let me finish my pie_ _  
_

                             _Josh: no come now_

            Tyler stared longingly at the pie. “I’ll be back for you,” he whispered.

            Mark looked over. “What? Did you say something?”

            “No,” Tyler quickly retorted before getting up. “I’ll be right back. Let me know what happens.”

            Mark nodded as Tyler went through the door to their room.

            “What,” he asked shortly. Josh was all tucked in, only his head was visible. It was kind of funny, and maybe even a little cute.

  
            “Can you see if I have a fever?” His words were still slurred together.  
                 

            Tyler sighed and sidled up next to the bed, the soft city lights illuminating the high points of the older man’s face. His eyes looked dark and sunken in, as if all the energy was siphoned to some unknown area, far, far from Josh. His eyes gazed around the room before leaving his roommate’s side to check the bathroom for the thermometer. Nowhere to be found. Guess he’ll have to do it the old fashioned way.

            Upon returning to Josh’s bedside, he sheepishly placed the back of his hand on the older man’s forehead, sliding it to his cheeks. “You feel a little warm,” he mumbled, forcing his lingering hand to his side.

            A shaky breath fell from between Josh’s lips. “I think I drank too much…” His body rumbled with a shiver. Nausea swept over him, making the walls spin and sway. “Tyler. Trash can. Now.” He quickly sat up, swatting a hand over his mouth to retain any fluids that were being forced back into his mouth. The taste of stale vodka and stomach bile threatened more. He watched as Tyler ran across the room, practically throwing him the small sorry excuse of a trashcan. His body lurched forward as he released the vomit that was being held down.

           Tyler watched with a grimace, unsure of what to do. _Maybe I should get him some water? Yeah, I’m gonna get him some water…_ He sprinted out of the room, stopping over the trashcan in the kitchen and spewing a mixture of pumpkin pie and some Taco Bell he had for dinner. There’s no way he could ever look at that beefy potato burrito ever again. The thought made his stomach churn once more.

           Mark whipped around on the couch to face Tyler. “Dude, really? You guys are gonna make me throw up.” Josh’s distant dry heaves only made matters worse. He shook his head and turned back to the TV, cranking the volume up.

           Tyler took a moment before catching his breath. The floor felt freezing and uneven underneath his feet as he made his way to the kitchen sink, where he proceeded to rinse his mouth out and splash some water on his face.

           Poor Josh didn’t have the energy to. Tyler shuffled into their room with a glass of cool water, finding Josh in a trembling state in his bed. The vomit filled bucket was sitting on the floor next to him. Josh, at this point, wasn’t exactly a sight for sore eyes. He lay, shaking, with snot and bile dripping from his nose. His hair was a dark blue-black, soaked with sweat and matted against his forehead. His chest rose and fell rapidly in attempts to chase his breath. Pitiful was one word to describe it. Disgusting was the other.

           Tyler snagged a conspicuously placed tissue box from Josh’s bed and wiped away most of the snot with a grimace. He picked up a new one, dipped it into the water and dabbed it around Josh’s face, trying to get the trembling to stop.

           Josh muttered a quiet, strained “thank you” before closing his eyes and letting Tyler continue.

           It took about five or so minutes to get Josh to fall asleep, and when he did, Tyler couldn’t have been more grateful. He sighed and stood from his kneeling position to strip his shirt off. His eyes wandered around the room before he started towards his dresser to snag something clean to put on after the shower. He settled on sweatpants and sweatpants alone. Damned Josh didn’t do the laundry like he asked. No clean shirt, underwear, _or_ socks.

           With the pants in hand, he walked to the bathroom, filling Mark in on the situation before closing the bathroom door. Finally some alone time. Time to unwind and forget about the responsibilities that lie just behind that door. A light thud echoed in the room with every piece of clothing that hit the floor. First, his work slacks, then his socks, and then his boxers. He took a deep breath before drawing the curtains back and starting the water.

           The water was hot and steamy. Just how he liked it on freezing nights like this. The gentle stream that hit his back as he eased himself into the shower made a shiver run through his body and a gasp escape his lips. It echoed. The acoustics in the bathroom were always amazing to him, but tonight was not the night he wanted any sounds to be heard, let alone echo.

           He reached a hand out and blindly fumbled for the fan switch before drawing the curtains shut. The low grumble was enough to cover any soft noises. Exactly what he needed. The beads of water gently massaged his back, seemingly working the worries and stresses of the day away. His hands wandered up and down his body with a slight pressure. Tense. The water flowed through his hair, trickling down his neck and finding its way to run rivers through every dip in his muscles.

           Lathering up his hands with his pine scented body scrub, he let his hands do their magic. They drifted, putting pressure in all the right places. After a long day of standing behind a counter in a greasy run down corner store, his thighs were the most sore. His fingers pushed little circles into either thigh, forcing a low groan into the back of Tyler’s throat. He slowly made his way to a sitting position, turning so the water could drizzle onto his front and hit his thighs. He continued making those little heavenly circles as he splayed out. He felt his dick twitch to life as he hit a little too high on his leg. _God that felt good_ , he thought to himself. The circles of heaven pushed higher and higher until he abandoned all hope to wrap a fist around his half hard cock. His tongue ran across his bottom lip before he worried it between his teeth.

           His eyes were pointed down, watching as he lazily pumped his hand with minimal force. This was one of the things he loved doing to himself. Teasing until he just couldn’t take it anymore. He tightened his grip, bucking into his hand a few times involuntarily. The warm air around him aided in his quickening breaths. “ _Fuck_ ,” he whispered as his spare hand drifted up to his hair before pulling harshly. A loud moan nearly fell from between his lips, but he was able to bite down on his lip and turn it into a whine instead. His eyes fell shut as he began to fantasize.

 _Josh opened the door, pushing back the shower curtains to reveal Tyler’s vulnerable position. “God, look at you. You’re such a fucking slut, you know that?” Josh’s words were harsh as he bent down, inches from Tyler’s terrified face. Tyler may have been terrified, but he was_ so close _, he couldn’t just stop. With two more bucks of his hips, he came. The white liquid shot up, covering parts of Josh’s face. Without missing a beat, Josh snapped a quick “clean up your mess, whore”._

_So Tyler did exactly that. With no hesitation, he pulled Josh’s face closer, licking his come from the right side of his face. Salty. Tangy. Josh pulled him back by his hair, earning a yelp from the younger. “You’re enjoying this too much.” He only let go to yank his own sweatpants down, only enough to expose his throbbing dick. With one swift movement, he grabbed the same fistful of Tyler’s hair and forced his mouth around his cock. Tyler let him and did his best not to gag as Josh ruthlessly thrusted in and out of his mouth. Josh let out little hisses of ‘ooh’s’ and ‘ahh’s’. “Bet you’re loving this, huh you little slut?”_

_When Tyler only groaned in response, Josh pulled his head off his dick and landed a harsh slap across his face. Hard enough to leave a brilliant crimson mark and a wonderful stinging sensation on his cheek. “What do you say?”_

        “Yes daddy,” Tyler moaned almost a little too loudly as he stroked his dick twice more. It was the third one that really pushed him over the edge. His entire body flexed, forcing his back to arch up and his toes to curl. Streaks of white stickiness were sent across his chest, a few driblets landing on his chin. Without thinking twice, he sent his tongue to chase the tangy drops as he pumped himself to be brought back down. His breathing eventually slowed back down.

         He stood slowly, legs still quaking with afterglow. That was much needed. With a deep breath, he hurriedly washed his hair and rinsed off the come slung across his chest. The bitter air nipped at his bare body when he stepped out of the warm shower. After patting himself dry, he threw his grey sweatpants on and hoisted the towel over his shoulder.

          A shiver ran through his body as he stepped from the slightly warm room to the even cooler one. “God, Mark, you wanna keep the heat on? It’s like ten freaking degrees outside,” he muttered to the figure in the kitchen, cranking the heat up to seventy-five. “Also you’re aware it’s four in the morning right?” Mark half assed a smart comment. Something about pizza rolls? Whatever it was, Tyler was too tired to deal with it. He rolled his eyes and walked back to his room, floorboards creaking with every step.

         The room was thankfully a little warmer than the den, but not by much. It still left Tyler cursing Josh for not doing the laundry. _Oh, crap_. He totally forgot about Josh and his little escapade. Curiosity rambled through his bones as he hovered over the older man’s bed. Josh is a heavy sleeper, he probably wouldn’t wake up if Tyler were to just roll up his sleeves…

 _No_ , Tyler stopped himself, turning around to slide under the heated blankets of his own bed. He shook his head, disappointed that the thought even popped into his head. Josh was right. He’s his own person, he can make his own decisions. And it was none of Tyler’s business anyways.

          He sighed and turned his blanket up to the highest setting. It was such a weird, rollercoaster of a day. It left him feeling exhausted, and the fact he is fresh out of the shower only made the tired feeling worse. Eventually, his thoughts calmed, and he was able to finally close his eyes and relax. He couldn’t think of anything better than sleeping in, and since he didn’t have work tomorrow, that’s exactly what he plans on doing.

 

          The sun shone elegantly through the cracked blinds of their apartment window as the occasional car passing by made a soft disturbance in the now-snowy landscape. It was the complete opposite of one might want on a morning after partying. Josh woke up to a splitting headache making him groan before he even opened his eyes. The smell of bacon that filled the room certainly did not help. “Holy shit, what a night,” he muttered to himself before rolling over to check the clock. Only nine in the morning. He sighed, relieved, and turned back over to try and sleep off this hangover from hell.

          Just as he was drifting back to sleep, Mark busted through the door, banging a pot with a wooden spoon. “C’mon soldiers! Grub time!” He kept banging the utensils until Tyler blindly threw the closest object at him. That object just so happened to be the cup of water he had gotten for Josh earlier that morning. “Hey!"

           “Mother fu- Tyler what the hell dude?!” Josh sat up quickly, the sudden movement causing a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Vomiting could wait. He looked down to the now soaked bed and sighed deeply. “C’mon man…”

           Mark stood in the doorway, not really caring that he just got drenched. “I made a nice greasy breakfast, just for you, Joshy. Extra greasy bacon, toast lathered in butter, and eggs fried in the grease. Delicious.”

           Josh turned to the bucket before dry heaving.

           Tyler just slowly sat up, shooting Mark a death glare. “The one day I get to sleep in,” he took a deep breath and bore his eyes further into Mark, “and you fucking wake me up, just for this. I am _beyond_ pissed right now, Mark.”

           Mark shrunk down, looking slightly intimidated. Tyler could be ruthless in his ways of revenge. Last time Mark ticked him off, he found himself locked outside the apartment in only his underwear at five in the morning. He wasn’t quite sure how he pulled it off, but he did nonetheless. “I- I’m sorry man, I didn’t mean to, I… I was just trying to-”

            “Out. _Now_.” Tyler snapped, watching as Mark turned tail. He sighed. There’s _no_ way he could fall back asleep, so he decided to just get up. His toes were freezing, no thanks to Josh, and he was shivering due to lack of clothing, also no thanks to Josh. The anger seethed on this tip of his tongue. Josh’s little sigh pushed him over the edge. “Oh yeah I bet this sucks for you, huh? You know, if you’re gonna be out partying all the time, the least you can do is do the fucking laundry,” he snapped. “At least _I_ have a valid reason to want to sleep in.”

             Josh was taken aback. “Excuse you?”

             “Oh, excuse me?” he raised his eyebrows, jerking his head back. “That is _literally_ the one thing I ask you to do. _One. Thing._ ” He pinched his nose in annoyance, not believing that he hadn’t been up but five minutes, and he was already being confronted with this much stupidity.

             Josh took a moment to collect himself. Teasing Tyler was much more fun than arguing with him. Besides, he was right. He knew he should’ve done the laundry. So with that, he managed to his feet. He stretched with the biggest smirk he could muster up in his sickened state. He was still in his long sleeved shirt and black skinny jeans from last night. They reeked of alcohol. “Maybe I like seeing you half naked,” he teased, shuffling through his drawers to pull out a full, clean, outfit. His head might’ve felt like there were a million nails being driven into them at the same time, but he was still on top of his game.

             The comment made Tyler speechless. He tried to sputter out a response, but it just came out in consonants. Finally, he mumbled a “fine, but I’m borrowing some of your underwear and a shirt. And socks.”

            Josh shrugged. “Sounds like a deal to me. Oh, but if I were you, I wouldn’t touch the crunchy socks,” he shot Tyler a wink before stumbling out of the door, presumably to the bathroom for a shower. Hopefully, anyways.

           As soon as the door closed, Tyler sunk down, hunching over in his bed. The last thing he wanted to be right now, was awake. After sitting in his warm bed for a few minutes, he decided it was time to get up.

           He sauntered over to Josh’s dresser, the cold floor beneath his feet sending shivers through his bones. Winter sucked. Tyler shuffled through most of Josh’s drawers in an attempt to find something to fit him. He ended up with a pair of what would certainly be loose fitting plaid boxers, an even looser fitting pair of dark grey sweatpants, and a shirt with the NASA decal on it. The shirt, of all things, was a little too short for Tyler’s long torso, but it was the only one made of the fabric he liked. The fabric choice was sacrifice he was not willing to make. Socks were next. He pulled out the top right drawer in hopes of finding a fresh pair. In no way was he prepared for what he was about to see.

           Tyler picked of of the objects up, examining it curiously. “What the hell even is this?” It was glass, about six inches long, bulbous, and highly resembled what one might find in a sex shop. In the process of setting the foreign object down, something green in the corner of the drawer caught his eye. Everything began to make a little more sense now. He picked up the bag to open and smell it. An all too familiar sent punched through his nose, making him grimace and close it quickly. Weed. It smelt like a skunk had just shoved it’s ass in his face.

           Just as Tyler was setting the bag down, Josh walked into the room. The longsleeve shirt he had clung for dear life onto his chest and back, dark spots forming from the water that remained on his body. He was surprised to see Tyler rummaging through his weed stuff. “Oh, I didn’t know you had an interest in pot,” he said, genuine wonder on his face.

          Ty became flustered, slamming the drawer shut. “N-no! I… I was just looking for socks,” his voiced trailed off. A wave of heat fell over his face. Embarrassed, he avoided eye contact with the older man.

          Josh simply mouthed ‘oh’ and sidled up next to him to open the drawer just left of the one he was previously rummaging in. Low and behold, a few pairs of socks. He handed Tyler some plain white ones before plopping back down on his bed.

          Tyler mumbled a quick thank you before turning to shut the door to get changed. It was only then when it reoccurred to him he had no underwear on underneath his pants. He wasn’t self conscious by any means, but he didn’t want to just bust his ass out in front of Josh with no warning. He glanced at Josh, who was busy with his phone at the moment. “Oh and since you didn’t do the laundry, I’m not wearing boxers. Just a warning.”

          Josh didn’t even look up from his phone. A simple ‘okay’ muttered halfheartedly. He was far too busy trying to find out what happened last night to even think about listening to whatever his roommate had to say. Who was this Debby chick, and why did he have a hole in his arm? The last thing he really remembers was challenging the host of the party to beer pong.

_Debby: Hey how you feeling today?_

_Josh: to be honest? I don’t remember half of what happened last night_

_D: Oh damn you got that drunk? I envy you_

_D: Well do you at least remember me?_

_J: not exactly… refresh my memory for me_

           The girl, presumably Debby, explained everything that happened last night to him. She seemed to not even care that she was forgotten. Things started slowly coming back to him. The dancing, the drinking, the room, the needles, the heavenly feeling of being high, the nodding off…

           Josh wiped a hand over his face to try and compose himself. Had he really tried heroin last night? Damn, it sounded enjoyable too… He glanced up to make sure Tyler wasn’t looking at him, only to be surprised with Tyler struggling to keep the boxers above his ass for long enough to slip the pants on too. Josh had to admit, though. Tyler had a nice ass. He shook the fleeting thought out of his head and turned back to his phone.

_D: Well, since you don’t remember the high all that well_

_D: We can meet up and I can show you again_

_Josh is typing…_

           His fingers danced over the keyboard, trying to find a good response. _I mean, how many times does it take to get addicted? It was fun, I think… one more time can’t hurt_ , he thought to himself. He took a deep breath before pressing the blue arrow to send the text.

_Josh: sounds cool, let’s do it_

           Josh was pulled from his thoughts when Tyler shook his leg to get his attention. Confused for a moment, he realized Tyler was talking to him. He managed to only catch the word breakfast. With a sigh, he got up off his bed. His phone was left on the bed, along with any thoughts about how this would affect him later. The two walked out the door, starving for some eggs and bacon. The one question couldn't leave Josh's mind...

            Will it only be  _one_ more time?


	2. Chapter 2

           Later in the day, around noon, Josh was pacing around the apartment like a madman, searching for his coat. He had to meet his parents at some all-too-fancy downtown restaurant in about ten minutes. It took twenty minutes to get downtown. To make matters even worse, his headache had not yet subsided. He opened all the closets, went through all his drawers, and searched in every hamper. Still, the jacket was nowhere to be found. He marched back into his room, finding Tyler on the bed under the covers.

           “Do you know where my jacket is?” Josh asked shortly while fixing his belt. He hated this semi-formal look. The black long sleeve button down hugged his body in all the right places, but he was never fond of tight clothing or any clothing as a matter of fact. The less, the better. He tugged at his tie, loosening it slightly.

           Tyler sighed, removing himself from the warmth of his bed to walk to the closet. He then proceeded to pull the thick black bubble coat from the back of his side. When Josh looked confused, Tyler shrugged. “It’s where I told you I put it last year. If you listened to me, you’d know that.” The words were overflowing with passive aggressiveness.

           Josh huffed, sliding his arms through the sleeves. “I don’t have time for this,” he muttered. “I’m late enough as is.” After flipping the hood up to cover his blue curls, he grabbed the keys to his car and hustled out the door. In all honesty, he’d much rather be staying to argue than going to lunch with his parents. He jogged out to his car, nearly slipping on the thin sheet of snow on his way into the driver’s seat. With a turn of the key, he was off to the much dreaded lunch. He knew the subject of the conversation already, and it surely didn’t help the anxiety he was having. Financials. The only thing he could think of was how they must be cutting him off from any aid they had been giving him. He could practically hear the disapproving voice of his father echoing through his head.

           William, his father, was all sorts of strict. When Josh was a young teen, he couldn’t even dream of doing anything that most kids take for granted. Any video games, violent movies, music that wasn’t religious, or piercings were all banned from his house. Had his father found any of these in the house, Josh would receive the spanking of a lifetime and be grounded. The time of his grounding depended on the offense, more times than not, it was at least a month. Josh held a lot of resentment towards his father but he respected him nonetheless.

           His mother, Laura, was almost the complete opposite. She would sneak Josh into action movies, take him to arcades, and let him have basic freedoms most kids should have. The one thing she asked, was for him to never mark his body with tattoos. He promised her that much. And that’s why he refuses to wear anything but long sleeves around her. Well, that and the fact he shot up heroin at a party last night, but also because of the full sleeve decorating his right arm.

           Josh found himself speeding about ten over the speed limit, but at this point, he couldn’t care less. He pushed his foot down harder. Five minutes left to get to a place that was ten minutes away. All he could do at this point was to hope he wouldn’t get pulled over. The small stores soon turned to towering skyscrapers and overpasses. The streets weren’t all that crowded. Not many people liked driving in the snow. Completely understandable. The snow wasn’t thick on the ground, but just enough to make Josh weary of his speed choices. But he knew he couldn’t be late, especially not to a meeting with his parents.

           Luckily enough, he made it to the restaurant only two minutes late. He practically ran to the doors, not caring enough to see where he had parked his car. He stopped before the door to fix his tie and pull his cuffs to cover the edge of the tattoos that peeked out. With a deep breath, he entered the intimidating looking building.

           Immediately, he was overwhelmed. The waiters danced between tables with trays of steaming food perfectly balanced with such elegance, not a single drop of food on their all-too-bright white shirts. It was mesmerizing to watch. He glanced around the room nervously in search for the familiar faces of his parents.

           “Can I help you, sir?” the hostess asked, snapping Josh out of his trance.

           Josh blinked, his thoughts halting. He stared for a moment, before stumbling over his speech. “Oh- uh, I… I’m looking for Mr. and Mrs. William Dun?”

           The hostess smiled and nodded. “Follow me, please.”

 

           Josh was led to a table in the far side of the restaurant. The table his mother and father were sat at overlooked the tall buildings of downtown. They both stood, Laura hugging him briefly, and William offering a firm handshake. The three sat at the linen covered table, a silence settling between them.

           “Joshua,” his father started, “I know you are probably very worried about the conversation we called you here to have, as you have every right to be…” his voice trailed off as their waitress approached their table to ask for drink orders. After the waitress was gone, Laura interrupted before William could start again.

           “So, honey, how have you been?” She could feel the side eye coming from her husband. “How is the apartment?”

           “Oh the apartment? It’s nice, thank you for asking.” Josh played with the napkin corners as he spoke. “The arrangements had to be switched around because Mark and Tyler got into too many arguments. It was annoying,” he laughed softly, knowing what was coming next.

           Laura glanced at William, who found himself gazing out the window and at the skyline. She sighed, looking back to her son. “So what does that mean for you? Are you still in your own room?”

           Josh gulped, dropping his eyes to the floor. “No,” he muttered softly. “No, ma’am, Mark and I switched rooms. I’m sharing a room with Tyler now.”

           William sighed heavily, using all his strength to refrain from slamming his fist on the table. “Joshua, you are aware that it’s your apartment, right? It’s under your name.” His father spoke through gritted teeth with a look of steel in his eyes. “You should have the master bedroom.”

           Just then, the waitress arrived, forcing the conversation to silence. The tension was notably thick between the group. His parents forced smiles and short _thank you_ ’s as she set the drinks in front of the corresponding people. Even just seeing the wine that sat in front of his parents made him feel nauseous. He took a long sip of his water, changing his stare to out the window to his left.

           Once the waitress left their table, Josh spoke up. He knew if he didn’t his father would go on to chastise him. “I don’t mind not having the master. It’s not a big deal. If i wanted it, I’d be in it,” he mumbled. “And besides, why would I even need that big of a bedroom? I’m never home anyways.”

           “Then where are you?” his mother asked passively as she looked over the menu.

           Josh felt his heart stutter. “Oh, I… I volunteer.” The second the words fell out of his mouth, he regretted saying them. His parents looked at each other, surprised with their son to say the least. “At a homeless shelter. It’s just down the street from the apartments.” Well, at least that part wasn’t a lie. There was in fact a shelter not far from the buildings.

           “Oh, really?” His father seemed pleased with him for once in his life. It only made Josh feel that much worse. “How often?”

           “About twice a week. The rest of the time, I’m at either the soup kitchen or with my friends.” He proceeded to dig himself deeper, practically boreing his own grave at this point.

           His mother made an approving nod. “Well, Joshua, I think it's safe to say we are both very proud of you for giving back to your community.” She looked over to her husband. “We are also glad that you’ve managed to keep a social life too. What are your friends like, dear?”

           Josh smiled to cover the pure panic he felt race through him with the question. “Well, there’s Tyler. He is a pretty good guy. Actually, he helped me out last night when I was sick,” he answered.

           Laura smiled and nodded. “I noticed you were looking a bit pale, but I just figured you had been out partying late last night,” she joked, taking a sip of her wine.

           “He probably was,” William muttered under his breath. He received a swat to his bicep from his wife. “What? With his past? Wouldn’t surprise me is all.”

           Josh looked at him, his friendly expression soon turning into an offended one. “With my past? Oh, you mean trying to be a normal teenager?”

           “Joshua, smoking pot isn’t what a _normal teenager_ does. Not in our family,” his father snapped back.

           Laura smiled sheepishly at the people that were now staring. “Boys, you’re drawing attention-”

           “Let them look if they want to, Laura. We’ve got nothing to hide, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Mister Smurf-head here is.”

           “Smurf-head? Really dad? Are we five?” Josh said pointedly. “And what if I had been out partying last night? Tell me why that’s any of your business.” He could feel himself getting more and more furious by the second.

           “I’m your father, dammit! I have every right to your business.” William had raised his voice. That was the last straw for Josh.

           A wave of heat, both embarrassment and anger, washed over his face. “You may be my father, but that doesn’t make you entitled to my personal life,” he growled through gritted teeth. It wasn’t like him to get upset over things like this, especially with his parents, but something in his father’s statement just struck him deep down. He quietly rose from his chair, gathered his jacket, muttered a goodbye, and sped out of the restaurant. The drastic temperature difference felt no better than a punch to the gut. Not even a minute later, he received a text from his father.

 

_Dad: We’re cutting you off, Joshua. Get a job._

 

           Only to make this day better, he soon found out the hard way that his car had been parked in a handicapped spot. Peachy. Bitter tears of rage threatened his eyes. In all honesty, he didn’t want to see anyone that even remotely reminded him of his problems, so he removed his phone from his pocket and texted the only other person he knew. After a few minutes of waiting, a response flashed on the screen.

 

_Debby: k I’ll be there in a few_

 

           The familiar looking red head pulled up in front of the restaurant, stopping in front of Josh. She rolled the window down and flashed him a smile. “Get in big boy, we’ve got some remembering to do.”

 

           Josh sighed as they started their way from downtown. At the moment, he couldn’t think of anywhere he’d like to be other than as far away from that hell hole of a restaurant as possible. “I really appreciate you coming to pick me up,” he said just loud enough to hear over the music. “To be honest,” he chuckled, “I would’ve walked home if I had to.”

           Debby just smiled and nodded. “Don’t like talkin’ with your parents, huh? I can definitely relate to that one. So what’d they do? Beat you? Make you eat your own puke? What’s your story?” she asked, so nonchalant about it that Josh didn’t even think twice before opening up.

           “They just kind of isolated me. Religion this, religion that. Wasn’t allowed to even listen to Green Day, can you believe that?” He scoffed. “But yeah, they weren’t really abusive I guess, just kind of dicks.”

           She nodded as she listened. “So you got a classic case of resentment? You wanna make up for the lost teenage years?” She licked her lips, pulling her bottom into a bite before glancing at Josh. “Cause I can help you be as reckless and rebellious as you want to be.”  
           Josh raised his eyebrows, slightly shocked that she could get all that from the small amount he had said. Yet she hit the nail on the head. The expression slowly melted into a smirk. “Oh, really now? That sounds like a challenge.”

           They pulled up to a house in what seemed like a decent neighborhood. It was a quaint place, but still had it’s off characteristics. There was a crack in the front window, one of the blinds was twisted, and a summer welcome mat that laid in front of the door. Josh took one more look at the snowy landscape around them before glancing back down to the mat. “Dog days, huh?” He laughed.

           Debby rolled her eyes. “Not my decoration choice.” After fumbling with some keys, she eventually unlocked the door, pulling Josh in by the tie. She smirked before pushing him against the wall and nudging the door closed with her foot as she gazed into Josh’s eyes. Mischief and want were all that was on her mind.

           He leaned forward, closing the gap between them. She was mesmerizing. Their chapped lips worked together for a moment before Josh licked along her bottom lip. The kiss deepened and before they knew it, their tongues were intertwining. He could taste alcohol on her breath. Josh moved his hands from where they were set on her hips to tug at her hair, earning a soft gasp from the girl.

           With a swift movement, Josh flipped their position so that it was Debby who was now against the wall. She smirked, pulling her head back to breath. “Somebody likes being in charge,” she panted softly, biting her lip.

           Josh chuckled softly, taking a deep breath. “You could say that.” He pushed his hips forward to meet Debby’s, rutting in an attempt to get some much needed friction. They stayed like this for a few minutes before he picked his up and moved to the direction of what seemed like the right direction to the bedroom.

           “Door at the end of the hall,” she mumbled against his neck, peppering it with kisses and bites. Light purple marks appeared along his collarbone.

           Josh opened the door, walking in and dropping her on the bed. After shrugging off his coat and tossing it on the floor, he fell forward, placing an arm on either side of her head. He took a moment to appreciate her face in the dim lighting before taking her into a much softer, more passionate kiss. He pulled one of his hands away to wander her body. His fingers found their way to the hem of her shirt. They wasted no time in diving under and rubbing small circles up until they found their way to the skimpy piece of fabric that is her bralette.

           She moaned softly and draped her arms around Josh’s neck. “Fuck, Josh,” she breathed, pulling her head back. “Stop teasing.”

           He smirked, leaning in to bite her lip. “Don’t tell me what to do.” He removed his hand from under her shirt as punishment. Seeing Debby helpless like this only made the bulge in his pants grow.

           “Alrighty, big boy, that’s enough of that,” she managed between moans, knowing he would be upset to be cut off just when things were getting heated. Josh growled at this.

           “Let’s get to the main course.” She leaned over Josh to rummage through her bedside table. Out came a package of needles, a small box of alcohol wipes, and a spoon. The bed shook as Josh bounced his leg. Debby looked at him with a smirk, sitting back up. “Nervous?”

           Josh bit his lip, trying to still his leg. His mood had switched from turned on to scared out of his mind. “A little, yeah,” he mumbled. When he just started smoking pot, he had made a promise to himself. He had promised that he wouldn’t become a statistic. He wouldn’t become part of the statistic to justify marijuana as a gateway drug. By that, he means he would simply stick to weed, and not stray from that. That was nine years ago.

           Debby placed a hand on his upper thigh before returning to her place next to Josh. The pressure on his leg was enough to soothe him, but she planted a soft kiss on his cheek for good measure. “You’re a big boy, you can handle it. It’s not as bad as it seems.” She waited until he seemed less anxious before leaving the room, only to return a minute later with a bag of white powder and a water bottle.

           He watched as she picked up the metal spoon and sprinkled a small amount of powder onto it, followed by a small amount of water. She then held a lighter beneath it. Watching intently, Josh took mental note of the process. “What does that do?”

           The question was answered with a silent nod to the needles and a look of fierce concentration. It was cute to Josh. He complied, passing the most easily accessible needle to the redhead.

           Debby filled the needle about halfway with the brown tinted liquid. It looked thick and syrupy- not exactly like something one would like to clog their veins with. She looked at him expectantly, holding it out towards him.

           Josh gulped and reached out. He wrapped his shaky fingers around the syringe, being delicate with it as he raised it to his face to examine it closer. The markings were filled up to about seventy or so. He looked to Debby for some kind of instruction, but she was busy preparing her own needle. With a sigh, he tried to remember how it went down at the party.

           After a moment of thought, it came to him. He needed a tourniquet of some sort. His eyes drifted around the room, looking for a belt or a phone charger or something of the sort. It was the first time he had really gotten a chance to look at her room. The space itself was average size for a master bedroom- much larger than his and Tyler’s room in the apartment. Clothes were scattered around the floor, random dresser drawers were pulled out with sleeves dangling from them. It was overall a messy room. The windows hiding behind the blackout curtains weren’t helping the appearance at all. No natural light was let into the room, which gave it a very closed off feel. Almost like a prison cell- not that he would know what that even feels like.

           No luck finding anything to tie around his arm. Josh could feel anxiety bubbling through him again as he began to think about what exactly it was that he is about to do. He took some deep breaths, only to be met with a slight restraint. He subconsciously reached a hand up to loosen his tie. It was after that when it dawned on him.

           He quickly slipped the tie over his head and onto his arm after rolling up his sleeve to expose the crook of his arm. He looked over to see that Debby had done the same thing, but with a stocking instead. The tie rubbed against the skin above his elbow when he pulled it tighter with his teeth. His eyes glanced over, unsure of what to do next.

           “Watch,” Debby mumbled. “The hole of the needle should always face up, you always shoot towards the heart, and no matter what anyone else tells you, always shoot parallel to your forearm.” After swabbing her arm with an alcohol wipe, she gently pierced her skin, hissing softly as she did so. “It doesn’t hurt,” she muttered as she waited for the needle to settle before slowly pushing the plunger down. “Just a little pinch. Make sure your blood registers so you don’t waste your smack.”

           “Registers?” Josh asked, confused.

           “It’s when a little blood splashes up into the syringe,” she explained, removing both the needle and makeshift tourniquet from her arm. “If you’re having troubles registering, draw some air into the barrel and then poke a vein. The blood will fill the air bubble when you hit one.”

           He nodded, making mental note of everything she said. He wasn’t really sure why he was paying so much attention since this _is_ his last time doing it. It interested him a little too much for comfort.

           With a deep breath, he fumbled with his tie to stop the blood flow between his arm and the rest of his body. He clenched his free hand one, two, three times, just like Debby did. He vigilantly looked for a good vein in the crook of his left elbow, opting for the biggest one. _I promise_ , the words echoed in his mind, _to not get addicted. I promise to not become a statistic._ The syringe in his right hand didn’t feel foreign anymore as he carefully pushed it into his skin, letting a small _ah_ fall from his lips as it pricked into the vein. He kept an eye out for the register. A small sense of pride overcame the anxiety when he saw the blood mix with the mocha colored liquid. Warily, he finished injecting himself. He couldn’t help but feel accomplished.

           He glanced to Debby, looking for some sort of approval. It must’ve just hit her, because holy shit. She looked wrecked. Her eyes were pinned and droopy, almost as if she was falling asleep. Her tousled hair from their little escapade earlier didn’t help her appearance. She just smiled at him.

           “Train wreck,” she giggled and let herself fall to rest her head on Josh’s chest.

           He couldn’t help but feel a little left out. “I don’t think I did it right…” Surely he should've been able to feel it by now right? He sighed. “Can I use your restroom real quick?” He figured it’d be better to pee before he melted into the bed.

           Debby lazily pointed in the direction of a closed door, presumably to the master bath. The bed dipped back as Josh stood and walked over to the door, disappearing behind it. It wasn’t even a full minute before she heard a loud _holy shit_ from the bathroom. She couldn’t help but laugh.

           “You good?” she yelled, a smile evident in the words.

           Josh was cracking up when he stumbled out of the bathroom. “I think I know what you mean when you said train wreck,” he laughed and fell back against the bed, not even upset that he didn’t get to use the restroom. All he knew was that he felt heavy, cozy, warm, and all things good. Not a worry in his head. He practically dissolved into the mattress. His brain was in the clouds, and his body felt like it didn’t even exist anymore. This wasn’t even close to comparable to a pot high.

           He took a deep breath, enjoying the tingling that came with it. His eyes began to grow heavy, and there was no reason to not let them close, so that’s exactly what he did. He nodded off for about a minute before Debby moved to turn on some music.

           The bass vibrated the bed, sending shivers up Josh’s spine. He felt almost as if he were one with the music. Just a note, floating through the air, wisping to wherever the wind wills. It was heavenly.

           He soon felt lips on the side of his neck, lazily biting and sucking at the skin there. It made him feel amazing- like being kissed by an angel. “Fuck,” he breathed.

           “'S gonna feel so good,” Debby mumbled, the vibrations of her voice against his skin got lost somewhere in the bass of the music. All he could think, though, was how overwhelmingly calm he felt. To tell the truth, it didn’t even bother him.

 

           Time flew past the two, and before they knew it, it was quarter after five. The music was still going strong and fast. Nothing like the current mood settled in the cool room. The pair laid contently under the blankets of Debby’s king sized bed, naked.

           Josh pulled his eyes open, struggling to even complete the simple task. He felt drained. Exhausted. He leaned over the girl in his arms to peak at her clock, surprised to see the time.

           “Hey, Debby,” he whispered, shaking her softly. He was answered with a grunt. “I have to go soon.” She grunted again.

           He sighed and forced himself to roll over to try and find his pants. They were across the room. _How’d that happen?_

           His legs wobbled and his vision started to fade as he stood. He had to grab on to the dresser to steady himself while his blood flow regulated. After taking a moment, he shuffled across the room to his pants and boxer briefs. His limbs felt heavy. They were almost too heavy to finish putting on his underwear, let alone his pants. He didn’t want to even begin to think about buttoning his shirt.

           Sure enough, he dressed himself and returned to Debby’s side. He leaned over to plant a soft kiss behind her ear.

           Josh fished through his pocket to find his phone, seeing he had a missed call from his mother, a text from his sister, and two missed calls from Tyler.

           He called Tyler back.

           “Hello?”

_“Dude! Where are you?”_

           “Oh, uh,” he glanced to Debby before answering Tyler groggily. “At a friend’s house.”

 _“At a friend’s house? Really? Even after last night?”_ Tyler sounded like a disappointed mother. Not exactly the tone Josh would like to hear after what happened at lunch today.

           “Shut up,” Josh snapped. “I was just hanging out with her.”

_“Yeah, okay. And I’m the president of the united states. Just— whatever man. Just get home soon.”_

           A silence settled between them for a moment.

           Josh took a deep breath. “My car got towed.”

_“Sounds like a personal issue.”_

           It was taking every fiber in Josh’s body to not go off on him then and there. He already would have had it not been for the sleeping woman not even two inches from him. “Come and get me, asshole.” Josh hung up, cutting off whatever sassy remark was leaving Tyler’s mouth. He knew Tyler would come and get him. Tyler would never leave him in a situation like that.

           Surely enough, not even five minutes later, Josh’s phone vibrated with a text.

_Tyler: Send me the address._

_Tyler: Oh and I ordered pizza_

_Tyler: You’re not allowed to have any._

           Josh rolled his eyes at Ty’s childish behavior. However, it dawned on him that he didn’t know where he was. He really didn’t want to wake the peaceful looking redhead, but it looked like he had no other choice.

           It took about ten minutes to get Debby to a point where she could string together a cohesive string of numbers and a street name. It made Josh chuckle.

           After sending Ty the address, he turned on his ringer and closed his eyes. Not before cuddling up behind Debby, of course.

           In what seemed like only five minutes, Josh’s phone rang loudly, making him jump and grab his phone. “Hello?” he yawned.

_“Get your ass out here. I’ve been waiting for ten minutes.”_

_Oh shit,_ he thought to himself before he scrambled out of the bed. He made sure to keep his sleeves down, and zipped up his jacket he found discarded in the doorway. “Debby! I’m leaving,” he shook her enough to where she surely heard him.

           “Okay,” she mumbled into the pillow. “Take a needle and some smack with you. Two hits.” She rolled over and went back to bed.

           Josh could feel the color leave his face. The high was so intense, so much better than any kind of pot he’d ever smoked before. He loved it. Maybe a little too much. He sat for a moment, contemplating if he wanted to risk his life over a high.

           Tyler honked, snapping Josh out of his thoughts. _Fuck it._ He snagged a needle and what seemed like enough powder for two hits. He spooned the powder into an empty ziplock bag he found discarded on the floor and shoved it into his pockets. It looked clean, so he didn’t really care. After doing a double check around the room to make sure he had everything, he shuffled out the door.

           Josh walked briskly through the bitter winds, practically throwing himself into the passenger seat of Tyler’s car. He was overtly aware of his pockets now that they held a secret. He shoved his hands into them to avoid any incident where the needle might fall out, or worse.

           Tyler was glaring at him. He could feel it on the side of his face. Josh turned, meeting his steel gaze. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

           He just kept glaring. “Be honest with me,” he finally broke the silence. “Did you drink?”

           Josh huffed. “Really? That’s what this is about?” He blew air in the driver’s face. “See? Didn’t drink.”

           Tyler winced at the warm air that hit him. “Maybe you should’ve,” he mumbled. “Your breath stinks. What did you eat?”

           Josh cracked a smile. “Nothing, but I did snack on some cat if you know what I mean.” He winked as Tyler pulled out into the road.

           Tyler took a moment to understand the reference before he forced a grimace. “I don’t need to know when you have sex, dude.” Even if it did interest him, he didn't want to hear about it if it wasn't with him. So many questions popped up into his mind.

           Josh smirked and shrugged, doing his best not to seem too tired. “If you don’t want to hear about my sex life, then you don’t need to hear about my social life.” He looked over to see Tyler’s disgusted face. He laughed. “Oh man, she had the best mouth I’ve ever fucked. It was crazy man. She only gagged once.”

           Tyler just sighed. He wanted to say so many things in that moment. _I could do better. I wouldn’t gag at all. Just for you._ Images of his last fantasy crossed his mind, making his dick twitch to life. _Not now, dammit._ He pushed his foot down on the gas a little harder in an effort to get home faster.

           Just his luck, and officer pulled out behind them and flashed his lights. Josh could’ve sworn he felt his heart stop. _The needle_. _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck._ He did his best to not look panicked as the officer sidled up to Tyler’s side.

           “License and registration please.”

           Tyler complied, doing so with a smile. He crossed his legs to hide the now growing bulge in his pants.

           Josh sat and focused on the yellow fire hydrant outside his window, becoming entranced within the rust spots.

           “Do you know why I pulled you over today, Mr. Joseph?” the burly officer asked, lowering his sunglasses to read Tyler’s license.

           Tyler tried his best to look as innocent as possible. “Yes, sir. I believe I was speeding, sir.”

           The old man nodded. “Indeed you were.” He bent over to peek at Josh, chuckling when he saw how tense he was. “Young man,” he spoke to Josh. “It’s just a speeding violation. You can calm down.” He laughed again.

           Josh just glanced at him, throwing a weak smile.

           The officer turned to Tyler.

           “He’s had a tough day,” Tyler smiled apologetically. “We both have. We’re just trying to get home as soon as possible.”

           The officer made an ‘o’ with his lips. “I know how you feel,” he smiled. “Listen, Mr. Joseph. I’ll go ahead and let you off with a warning.”

           Tyler relaxed into his seat, relieved. “Thank you so much, sir, I don’t know how I would’ve paid the ticket.”

           The officer smiled and handed his license back to Tyler. “I’ve been in your shoes before. Enjoy your day, Tyler.” He mosied back to his squad car, pulling out from behind them and went on his merry way.

           Josh remained fixed on the fire hydrant, bouncing his leg and toying with the needle in his pocket. Had, for whatever reason, the officer pulled the two out and conducted a search, they both would’ve ended up registered felons. Even the thought of doing that to Tyler made it feel like a dagger ripped through his heart. Tyler? He had promise. He had a good life ahead of him. Josh? Not so much. He could see himself becoming a bum, not contributing to society in any way shape or form. There’s no way that he could be successful. Not at this point.

           Tyler raised his voice once more. “Josh!”

           Josh jumped, attention snapping to the drivers face. “Huh?”

           Ty sighed, pulling back into the road. “Are you okay? You’ve been acting a little funny the past few days.”

           “Yeah, no, I’m fine,” Josh muttered. “I- uh... I got into a fight with my dad-” -no, that wasn’t right- “my father,” he corrected himself. William was nothing more than a biological father to him. He was anything but a dad. “They cut me off.”

           Tyler glanced at Josh, surprised he wasn’t more upset over this. “Dude! You do know that means they aren’t paying your rent anymore, right? Bills? Food?”

           Josh shrugged. “I’ll get a job. It’s not that hard.”

           “ _It’s not that_ \- Are you crazy?! It’s a job!” he exclaimed. “It’s going to be hard! That’s literally what a job is.”

           He just shrugged again, carding a hand through his faded blue hair. “Well, then I guess I’d better work hard.” He took a deep breath. “The warehouse down the street from your corner store is hiring. I heard they pay well. I’ll work there.”

           Tyler huffed. Mostly gym rats and junkies work at that place. It’s gross, grimy, and a lot of weight to be lifting. Josh could benefit from the work, sure, but he just had a gut feeling that that place would be his downfall. “Why not work at some fast food place?”

           Josh scoffed. “Minimum wage over like twelve bucks an hour? Are you even thinking?”

            He had a point. Tyler just shook his head and pulled into the parking lot of the apartment. “I just don’t want you to make any bad decisions is all.”

           Josh froze. “When did you start caring about me and my well being?” This was extremely odd for Tyler. Usually, he’d be cold and silent towards Josh. It was a weird change— not that he didn’t like it.

           Tyler blushed softly, shrinking in his seat. “Oh- I… Ever since you and Mark switched rooms, I got to know you a little better. I consider you a friend now, I guess.” Doing anything to avoid Josh’s eyes, he toyed with the hairband on his wrist.

           Josh blinked. “A friend?” This was a huge step for their relationship. For the longest time, he thought Tyler hated him. “Cool,” he smiled, hopping out of the car and walking up the stairs. That went much better than expected, but he was still exhausted. He headed up to their room, grabbing a slice of pizza on the way despite Tyler's wishes.

           He stuffed the slice of cheese pizza into his mouth before stripping out of his coat and hanging it on the back of the door. _What a day_ , he thought to himself. His parents cutting him off didn’t worry him so much, but the thing that really irked him was the accusations of his father. Regardless of if he was right or not, that is definitely not a subject to bring up at lunch. It made him furious that his father held no faith in him. On a higher note, he did get to hang out with a pretty damn gorgeous redhead. Debby was interesting to say the least. She seemed to know what she was doing, both during sex and shooting up. He made a mental note to dig deeper into whatever stories she had.

           Heroin wasn’t that scary all of a sudden. People had hyped it up as a life ruiner for what seemed like no real problem. It _was_ fun, so he could see how people would get addicted, but he has yet to see the bad side to the drug. Soon enough, it will all make more sense.

           He shrugged the thought off and curled into his bed, a small headache settling with him. It was only half past six, but Josh knew he’d be sleeping through the whole night. He ran his hands over the crook of his left arm, wincing at the dull pain from where the needle pierced his skin. He said a silent prayer that the two marks would fade by tomorrow. He’d knew he would have to drop by the warehouse to pick up an application. This will be challenging, no doubt, but Josh didn’t know the half of it.


	3. Chapter 3

            A full week had passed since the party. Josh had an interview scheduled with the warehouse in about an hour, and Tyler was busier than ever with his own job. The boys hardly caught each other during the week. A few hello’s and goodbye’s here and there as one walked into the apartment while the other walked out.

            Josh shivered as the cool air bit into his damp skin. He hustled back to the warmth of his room with a towel draped loosely around his waist. It was always more bitter in the living room. As soon as he stepped into the bedroom, he dropped the towel and started rummaging through his drawers to find underwear, not even bothering to lock the door.

            He found a pair of his favorite red boxer briefs and threw them on quickly, the fabric absorbing any stray water droplets that decided to hang on. A soft creak of a door opening made Josh cast a surprised glance over his shoulder. There, Tyler stood staring with his cheeks as red as cherries.

            “Oh- I should’ve knocked,” he managed, averting his gaze to a poster on the wall.

            Josh breathed a soft laugh. “It’s your room too. But before you judge me, just remember, it’s freezing cold.” The flirty undertone of his voice made Tyler blush even more.

            Tyler knew to not get his hopes up- besides, Josh was obviously more interested in this Debby girl. He stepped in and shut the door, heading to his bed and plopping down. “What are you getting dressed for?” he asked, eager to change the subject. He did his best to keep his eyes anywhere but his roommate.

            “My interview. What do you even where to an interview at a warehouse?” he asked, slightly frustrated. “Should I dress nice? How nice is nice? I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard to impress.” Josh huffed, throwing his arms to his sides. He still had no pants on, and the water droplets cascading down his chest didn’t exactly help Tyler’s whole _no staring_ shtick. Josh noticed his gaze and rolled his eyes. “I know it bothers you when I don’t dry off all the way, but damn, you don’t have to stare at me like that.” He picked the towel up off the ground and wiped his chest and back off, making Tyler laugh softly. “There. Better?”

            Tyler just rolled his eyes, an embarrassed smile crossing his lips. “You missed your shoulders.”

            Josh laughed, bringing the towel up to dry the rest off. “So picky,” he muttered lightheartedly. His chest rose and fell with a deep breath as he turned back to the chest of drawers to look for a pair of nice jeans. He settled on the warmest black jeans he had, seeing as he planned on walking to the warehouse in what was practically a blizzard.

            Tyler took one last peek before Josh wriggled into the skinny jeans. He bit his lip and turned to look out the window upon the snow covered streets. It was only half past noon, but the clouds made it seem like it was near evening. They sat in a comfortable silence until after Josh threw a shirt on.

            “How was work?” Josh asked, sitting down on his own bed across from Tyler’s.

            Tyler shrugged. “Trivial,” he muttered. “The only thing that really happened was one of my regulars, Jenna, I think, slipped me her number.” He pulled a brown napkin from the pocket of his work pants and squinted, reading the scribbles to confirm the name.

            Josh raised an eyebrow. “Jenna? Is she hot?”

            Tyler blinked. “...Yes?” He couldn’t help but pick up on a barely-there twinge of jealousy hidden in the depths of Josh’s voice.

            Josh shifted on his bed. “Are you gonna ask her out?” He tried his best to sound normal. There was a weird feeling that struck a chord deep within him. He had no clue what it was, and he didn't like it one bit.

            “I don’t know,” Tyler scratched his head, a faint blush returning to his cheeks. He toyed with the thin paper, staring intensely at the smudged ink. “I kind of have my eyes on someone else right now…” His voice trailed off, leaving the two in awkward silence.

            Josh stared at him for what felt like an eternity. “I’d better get going,” he said as he stood up and walked to grab his coat.

            “Yeah, no, yeah, of course,” Tyler nodded, gesturing with his hands. He reverted back to his best disinterested tone. “Good luck on your interview or whatever.”

            Josh threw him a weak smile and slipped out of the door as fast as he could, coat held in tow.

            Tyler watched as the door shut softly behind Josh. As soon as he saw it was fully closed, he laid back and ran his hands over his face. “Dammit, Tyler,” he muttered to himself. The images of Josh standing nonchalantly in his briefs branded itself in the back of his mind.

 

            Josh stopped and steadied himself on the kitchen counter. Too many things rushed through his head. _There’s no way that Tyler could’ve meant me, right? You have Debby, you’re straight, and even if you weren’t, Tyler is an asshole._ He took a deep breath in attempt to calm himself.

            He slipped his arms through his coat, double checking that he had the documents necessary to be hired. He stuffed them in his pocket. His hand stilled when his fingers brushed against a plastic bag. _Shit._ He forgot to put the last of his dope in his drawer. Earlier that week, he’d already took one of the two hits, so the needle was already in the hiding spot. The last thing he wanted to do was go back in the room, let alone with heroin in his hand. But at the same time, he couldn’t just walk into his interview with an opiate in his pocket.

            Josh ran a hand through his hair. There was little to no time left to make a decision. It only took ten minutes to weigh out the pros and cons of either choice. He took a breath and stood up straight before turning back to face the bedroom door. His fingers grazed the metal of the door handle as Josh hesitated to open it. How was he going to put it in the drawer without Tyler noticing? He slowly turned the knob, pushing the door open quietly.

            He must’ve been a little too quiet.

            Tyler laid out on his bed, stained work pants halfway down his thighs and checkered boxers pulled down just enough for full access to his dick. His eyes were closed and brows were furrowed. Tyler’s bare chest shone with small droplets of sweat. Josh stopped, eyes wide. He could feel heat rising to his face- and other parts of his body.

            He looked wrecked. His mouth was open, letting out the most beautiful little gasps as he lazily jerked his hand along his shaft. Josh watched as Tyler’s free hand carded slowly through his hair before grabbing a fistful and pulling hardly, making his toes curl.

            The pressure in his jeans only grew with the soft moan that escaped Tyler’s lips. He could’ve sworn it was his name. That was the last straw for Josh. He stepped in and shut the door quietly. After tossing the dime sized bag that was in his pocket in the closest drawer, he threw away what he thought he knew about himself, any insecurity he had, and stepped closer to his roommate's bed. He was half convinced his heartbeat gave his presence away. The thumps resonated through his body, making him shake with uncertainty.

            He was only a few inches away from Tyler’s face, just far enough where his presence wasn’t noticeable. “Can I touch you?” he whispered, eyes dark with lust.

            Tyler’s eyes snapped open, breathing in sharply. At this point, he wasn’t able to tell fantasy from reality. He could only manage a small nod of approval.

            With a smirk, Josh replaced Tyler’s hand with his own, using his free hand to pull his pants and underwear all the way off.

            The cold fingers moving up and down his shaft made Tyler gasp. Josh seized the opportunity and plunged their open mouths together, instantly swiping his tongue against the younger mans teeth. They stayed like this, tongues dancing with each other as they built a rhythm. Tyler moaned into Josh’s mouth, pulling back to watch as his hand worked wonders around his dick.

            Josh tightened his fist and quickened his pace, running his thumb across the tip every other stroke. He could feel Tyler shifting under him, signaling he was getting closer and closer to the edge with every drag of his palm. With a smirk, he slowed to a painfully sluggish rate.

            Tyler tried to buck into his hand, but was met by Josh’s free one barring across his hips, holding them in place.

            “I’m in control here,” Josh growled into Tyler’s neck before nipping a stormy bruise at the skin there. He paused for a moment to climb onto the bed and pull him onto his lap, pulling his hips down to rut into. He managed to unbutton his pants- just enough for his bulge to peek through.

            Tyler gasped at the sudden change in positions, but didn’t resist. He leaned down to capture Josh’s lips in a harsh kiss. The air was filled with muffled grunts and moans along with the musky scent of their sweat as they rutted against eachother. Tyler scooted back enough to pull Josh’s pants and briefs down, letting his fully erect member spring free. Josh’s breath hitched with the release of pressure.

            His first instinct was to move a hand towards his dick, but much to his dismay, his hand was swatted away. His eyes snapped open only to glare at Tyler, who had the most mischievous smirk on his face. “I’m in control here,” he mocked.

            Josh leaned forward, wearily taking a fist of Tyler’s hair in his hand and pulling back. “How about instead of talking back, you put that mouth to some actual work?” He planted a sloppy kiss at the corner of his agape mouth. Josh was doing everything he could to hold back on going all out. Had this situation been different, he would’ve already had Tyler being pounded into the mattress, screaming for more. He didn’t want to push his limits too far. Instead, he opted for a light smack across the face- nothing too harsh.

            Tyler moaned at the stinging sensation left on his cheek by Josh’s free hand. He let himself be pushed down towards his crotch, gulping when Josh guided the top of his cock along his kiss swollen lips. He parted his lips and took only the tip into his mouth, running his tongue in circles before slowly picking up a pace all while sucking softly. He felt Josh’s grip on his hair tighten. He looked up, locking eyes with him.

            Josh was already panting. His face was a bright red, lips parted. His dampened hair clung to his forehead with sweat. He looked absolutely wrecked.

            Tyler pushed his tongue along the sensitive vein on the underside of his cock, causing Josh to push Tyler’s head down and his hips up. He moaned louder than he should’ve as he watched his length disappear into the younger man’s mouth. To make matters better, Tyler swallowed around his cock, not even threatening to gag. “Fuck, Tyler,” he groaned, releasing his head so he could breath for a second.

            He really didn’t need it. Tyler made that evident when he continued with bobbing his head, gradually building up speed. His big brown eyes looked up, giving the illusion of innocence. It drove Josh crazy. He started to buck up to meet the bounce of Ty’s head. “Shit, Tyler, I-I’m close…”

            The thrusts began getting more sporadic, and before he knew it, Josh was shoving Tyler’s head down and releasing the warm sticky seed down his throat. He winced and contracted the muscles in his throat around the sensitive tip of his cock, making Josh's hips stutter again.

            “ _Fuuuck,_ ” Josh moaned, pulling the fistful of hair harsher as he rode through his orgasm.

            After Tyler was sure Josh was finished, he lifted his head and swallowed. He chased a stray dribble of come with his tongue, finishing off with a flirty smirk.

            Josh panted to catch his breath and smiled tiredly down at the younger man. “Damn, Tyler,” he breathed, “I didn’t know you were that good…” His voice trailed off as he let his head fall back against the pillow. He felt a dip in the mattress as Tyler crawled up to lay his head in the crook of his shoulder and chest. Josh glanced over with a soft smile. He wasn’t sure of what he was feeling in that moment, but whatever it was, he liked it.

            Tyler glanced down to Josh’s lips and back up to his hazel eyes. This kiss was much softer, more meaningful than the others. It sent what was only comparable to a jolt of electricity through their bodies. Josh moved his lips against Tyler’s, bringing a hand up to tenderly caress his jaw. He hastily pulled back, leaving Tyler with his lips parted and eyes half lidded, wanting more.

            “I have to get to my interview,” Josh mumbled softly.

            Tyler offered a thin solemn smile and looked at the clock. “I’ll drive you.”

 

            They ran to the car, snow catching itself in any stray hair left uncombed. Tyler shivered, unable to keep his teeth from chattering as he started the car. Josh wiped the rouge flakes from his jacket before offering it to Ty.

            He smiled in an effort to hide his heartsickness and shook his head. “No thanks. You’re gonna need that more than I will.”

            Josh chuckled. “You’re probably right…”

            Silence settled between them as Tyler backed out of the parking spot and pulled onto the road. It hadn’t quite caught up with Josh what had just happened; he was just living in the moment. Tyler, on the other hand was already beyond the realm of over thinking. He had no clue what this would mean for their relationship- or lack thereof.

            He pulled the car in front of the entrance to the warehouse and turned to Josh, unsure of what to say.

            Josh just smiled. “We should try that after smoking some pot. I know it sounds impossible, but it feels even better.” He winked and unbuckled his seat belt. “But anyways, thanks for the confidence boost.”

            A faint grin crossed Tyler’s face. “No problem. Good luck, Josh.”

            “Thank you, Tyler.” And with that, Josh exited the car and started towards the door.

            Tyler noticed something fall out of his pocket in the car. He picked it up to inspect it. Josh’s phone lit up with a text.

_Debby: come pick up ur bundle after the interview. I’ll give you a discount since u know how to treat a lady ;) 50$_

            Tyler grimaced after reading the text, making a note of what it said. He rolled down the window and called after Josh. “You forgot your phone!”

            Josh jogged back to the car, grabbed his phone with a smile and a quick _thanks_.

            Tyler just nodded and rolled up the window. He hadn’t even read the text on purpose, but now… it was echoing in the blanks of his mind.

_What even is a bundle? A bundle of what? Why is it so expensive?_

            He sighed and carded a hand through his hair.

_What am I getting myself into?_


	4. Chapter 4

      Tyler walked back into the apartment, unfazed by Michael sitting in the living room with only boxers on. The cheers of a rerun sports game roared through the otherwise empty apartment. He sighed and made his way to the desktop computer they shared, paying no mind to the most recent search history ( _ can blue balls kill you? _ ). Probably Mark. Speaking of him…

      “Hey, Mike, where’s Mark? I haven’t seen him at all today,” Tyler muttered while opening an  _ incognito _ tab. 

      Mike just grunted before pausing the game. He turned to Tyler and shrugged. “I think he might be out with Maddy, but I don’t know. He wasn’t here when I woke up.” 

      Tyler noticed the thickness in his voice. He looked over his shoulder, blinking back when he saw the state of his well being. Dark circles hung beneath his puffy eyes, pulling his appearance to look no better than exhausted and worn down. This was an extremely rare occasion. He never called in sick.

      “Are you okay, dude? You look…” he tried to find a subtle word, but Michael offered something better.

      “Like shit?” He sniffed, running the back of his hand against his nose. “Tell me about it,” he muttered, obviously upset with the lack of work. “Miranda took a sip of my smoothie before she knew she was sick. She  _ swore  _ it was allergies.” He huffed, turning back to the television set. “Allergies my ass.”

      Tyler laughed softly at the obvious pessimism in Mike’s voice and looked back to his own point of interest. The clacking of his fingers against the keyboard forced focus to the monitor.

      In the search bar, he typed out the word  _ bundle. _ Only the definition popped up. He knew this wasn’t what he was looking for, so he added  _ for 50$ _ to the end. This time, he found a website selling what was advertised as  _ virgin human hair _ . He grimaced. Not quite what he thought Josh was in to, so he continued searching.

      After only about ten more minutes of browsing the web, he came across something that caught his eye. It seemed to be right up Josh’s alley.

      His eyes read over the subtitle once, twice, three times to make sure he wasn’t making any mistake in what he saw. 

_       Is my dealer ripping me off for 50$ a bundle? _

      Tyler wasn’t at all prepared for what he was about to read.

      The color drained from his face when he opened the article, leaving him as pale as the winter snow falling just beyond the window.

      “Are you fucking  _ kidding  _ me?” he whispered in disbelief. He rose from the chair and wobbled to their bedroom. The floor seemed to slip from beneath him, leaving him on his knees in front of Josh’s dresser. There’s no way that Josh would do something like that, right? 

      He recalled the night of the party, when Josh refused to roll up his sleeves. But today, when he was practically naked in front of Tyler, he didn’t bat an eye at the bareness of his arms. There weren’t any marks that Tyler could see, only a tiny bump that he wrote off as a bug bite. 

      Nausea washed over the young man as he stood, forcing him to grab on to the corner of the dresser to stabilize himself. That’s when it hit him. He knew where Josh hid his weed and whatnot, so wouldn’t it make sense for him to hide any other drugs there too?

      Josh certainly wouldn’t appreciate him going through his stuff, but in the long run, it’d be best if he was stopped as soon as possible. 

      Tyler reached for the drawer, taking a deep breath before slowly pulling it out. He saw the same pipe as before, less of the weed, and a little metal cylinder that Josh called his grinder. A sigh of relief escaped his lips; a sigh he would find was let out all too soon.

      He knew he was overreacting. Josh isn’t dumb enough to put his life at risk like that. They both knew the consequences and Tyler knew he would just have to have faith and trust in Josh. 

      Tyler was about to lay down for a much needed nap, but something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. A small amount of plastic lay caught between the closed drawer. Wearily, he opened it. There, he found the small plastic bag with the sandy colored powder. He leaned in to inspect it further. It was then when he caught a familiar whiff of the faint vinegar stench. 

      He scratched his head. It could be anything at this point. He chose to dismiss it as some cleaning powder. Besides, there wasn’t a needle anywhere to be found, so who is he to make assumptions? And there’s  _ no way _ he would use his weed pipe to smoke it, right? He pulled the pipe from its drawer and gave it a hefty sniff. Nothing but the smell of torched weed. Pure relief ran through his body.

      After a deep breath and a swift movement to put things back where they belonged, Tyler sat on his bed to think.

      He curled up with his pillow, breathing in the scent that Josh left behind from their earlier escapades. It was musky and free, like the space between trees in a dense northern forest. Tyler loved the forest. It was where he felt safest- where no one could hurt him. In a world full of deserts, Josh was his forest. 

      A content sigh slipped from his lips as he remembered the moments they shared not even an hour ago. The truth is, Tyler heard Josh enter the room. It didn’t seem right for him to stop, so instead, he put on the best show he could. It worked, and that’s all that mattered to him in the moment. 

      The memories began to build up. The feeling of Josh’s hand around his dick, knowing it was Josh’s hand and not a fantasy- it all seemed too good to be true. But low and behold, it happened. He closed his eyes and gulped. His throat was sore. More proof was the massive hickie that peaked out of the collar of his shirt. It was noticeable only if one stopped and had the time to really look. Guilt settled in his heart.

      Josh was a great man behind the layers and layers of issues. Tyler knew this. He also knew that he shouldn’t expect anything more than friends with benefits. He couldn’t help but think about how beautiful it would be to hold his hand and walk down a busy street without having to worry who saw. Or maybe they could go to a park on a sunny day for a picnic, checkered blanket and basket and all. 

      His heart fluttered with ideas- that is until he remembered Debby. A wave of jealousy pushed on his chest, causing his ecstatic mood to drop suddenly. Josh didn’t seem to think twice about touching Tyler, let alone think of  _ her _ . Something about the situation didn’t feel right. He contemplated over it for a few minutes. Josh knew what he was doing. He knew how he felt towards Debby, but he still went through with letting Tyler do these things to him.  _ Why? _

      The question gnawed at Tyler for the rest of his time trying to fall asleep. He had bigger things to worry about, like work, and trying to find a steady job instead of working at the greasy corner store for eternity, and maybe even finding his own place; yet here he was, crushing like a schoolgirl. He sighed and rolled over to turn the radio on. Nothing but commercial after commercial. He turned it off and rolled back over. It astonished him that even after an eight hour shift, he was still unable to fall asleep.

      Aggravated, he stood back up and grabbed his car keys from his side table. There was surely something to do somewhere in the apartment. He skimmed the room for a chore. Nothing. 

      Just as Tyler was about to give up, Mike called him from the living room. “Tyler, you feel like doing me a favor?” He sniffed loudly, snot gurgling in his nose.

      It didn’t take Tyler but two seconds to be standing next to his roommate, willing to do anything at this point to distract himself. 

      “My throat is ridiculously sore, you mind making soup or something like that?”

      Perfect. Tyler smiled and nodded. “I can do better than that.” There was a Vietnamese restaurant a few stores over from his work that had killer pho. Not only would it help him take his mind off things for a bit, but it was also a short distance from the warehouse Josh was at. It was convenient, as he knew he would have to pick Josh up from his interview which should be over soon enough. “I’ll be back in thirty.”

 

      Tyler pulled out onto the road, heading in the direction of the restaurant. Calling in an order would have been easier, but he was trying to kill as much time as possible. The black skinny jeans and mustard hoodie that clung to his body were comfortable, especially in the freezing temperatures, making them an obvious option for for a quick soup run. The obsidian baseball hat was just a nice accessory- but don’t get him wrong, he’s not a hat guy.

      It only took him about ten minutes to arrive at the Vietnamese restaurant. He grabbed his wallet and hustled through the door, doing his best to maintain the warmth left from the heaters in the car. 

      Almost immediately, he was met with the most stunning pair of blue eyes. They were icier than the north pole’s glaciers, clearer than the waters in any beach, and more stunning than the sky on a clear day. And they belonged to the hostess.

      “Jenna?”

      The familiar blonde blinked back, smiling widely after a moment. “Oh, hey! Tyler, right?”

      Tyler smiled sheepishly and nodded. “Sorry I haven’t gotten a chance to call you,” he started, but before he could finish, Jenna interrupted.

      “Don’t sweat it,” she brushed it off. “It was a bold move, I didn’t really expect anything from it.”

      “No- it’s not that I didn’t want to, it’s just that my manager has me scheduled pretty often. We’re low on staff, and he knew I could use the money, so at this point- I’m either working or sleeping,” he explained with an awkward chuckle. He stuffed his hands in the pocket of his hoodie and rocked on his heels. 

      The girl blushed and looked to the floor with a smile. “Well, you’re more than welcome to call me at any time.”

      Tyler nodded and thanked her before examining her outfit. “You work here?” he asked, genuinely surprised. “I’ve never seen you here before.”

      “Yeah,” she admitted, slightly embarrassed. “I’m a photographer, but not many people want pictures I guess, so I had to pick up a second job.” She rubbed her arm self consciously. 

      Tyler laughed softly. “That’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Remember, I work in a corner store. I can’t say much about any one else's job.” 

      This seemed to take a load off Jenna. She relaxed her shoulders and took a deep breath. “Thanks, Tyler.” She offered a small smile before glancing to what could only be her manager, who stood across the store, glaring at her. “Oh- Table for one?”

      “Sure, unless you’d like to take a break and join me for lunch. It’s on me,” Tyler offered politely. He couldn’t help but smile as he watched the blood flush to her face. 

      “I’d love that,” she managed with an eager grin. She mumbled a quick  _ be right back _ before going to speak with the man who was formerly glaring at her. Tyler looked as the manager nodded once and returned to whatever job he was taking care of. 

      They sat at a booth near the window, the snow outside made everything seem brighter. Tyler smiled to himself as he glanced over the menu. “So how long have you been working here?” he asked. 

      Jenna sighed. “Not long. Two or three months.” She laughed softly to herself as she skimmed over the menu, unsure of why she was looking over it since she had already memorized it. The blonde looked up, meeting the big brown eyes that were already looking at her. “I recommend the number forty-two. It’s light but it fills you up.” 

      Tyler looked to the number to read what it was. A chicken dish with noodles and a side salad. It sounded really delicious, but he was really looking forward to a sandwich. 

      The waitress seemingly appeared out of nowhere and asked for their orders. After ordering Michael’s pho to go, he went with what Jenna suggested, while she ordered the same. The sandwich could wait for a different visit.

      They went on with light conversation, bringing up the store, coffee preferences, and how horrible roommates can be. Josh was brought up sometime after their food arrived. 

      “Do you have to share a room?” Jenna asked innocently. 

      Tyler’s heart quickened. “Uh-“ he stuttered, “yeah.” He wanted to keep his options open, but he couldn’t help but blush at the subject. “His name is Josh. He’s a pretty cool dude.” His sentences were quick and short. Jenna raised an eyebrow. She caught on, thinking it may have been a sensitive subject. By the way Tyler was acting, it was hard not to think that. 

      She thankfully changed the subject to her own roommate. 

      “Mine is an absolute pig. It’s her house, so I can’t really say anything about it…” She sighed. “She also has some issues. I’m not positive, but I think she’s an addict of some sort.” She said casually while she forked some noodles into her mouth. 

      Tyler rose his eyebrows. “What’s her name?”

      “Debby.”

      His heart sank to his stomach. It had to be some crazy coincidence. There’s no way Josh wouldn’t be able to tell… unless he’s doing it with her. Tyler went rigid at the name. 

      “Now that I think about it, the name Josh sounds pretty familiar.” Jenna didn’t seem to catch on to his body language. “Does he by any chance have blue hair?” she asked. 

      Tyler immediately stood and excused himself. “I’m sorry Jenna, but I have to go. I’ll explain later.”

      He didn’t give her a chance to say a proper goodbye. Instead, he threw a twenty down, grabbed the soup, and ran out the door. 

      This confirmed his worst fears. Josh was slowly becoming an addict, whether he noticed it or not. This didn’t answer why, though. At this point, he only knew Debby was  _ not _ a good influence.

      Furious tears welled in his eyes as Tyler pulled out in the direction of the warehouse. He threw regard to the wind as he sped down the street and took a sharp turn. Nothing mattered in this moment, nothing except Josh.

      The contrast of the bright blue hair against the whiteness of the snow gave Josh away. Tyler pulled up next to him, the brakes screeching from the sudden stop. Josh looked surprised to see him-- especially since he didn’t tell him when he’d be done with the interview. Nevertheless, he smiled widely.

      “Hey, I got the j-”

      His news was cut short as Tyler exited the car, stormed up to the man, and slapped him so hard that Josh couldn’t help but stumble backwards. “Are you a fucking idiot?” Tyler spat as furious tears fell down his face. He balled his fists by his side.

      Josh brought his hand up to his face, running his fingers over the pulsing skin. Damn, Tyler is strong. “What? What the fuck are you talking about?” he retorted sharply.

      Tyler took a step closer to him. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. That’s why you’ve been hanging out with Debby so much, huh? Cause she could score you some dope?”

      Realization dawned on Josh. There were two choices in this situation; he could either deny, or fess up. He was cornered. “Tyler-... I- I can explain-”

      Tyler huffed. “ _ Explain _ ? Explain what? What is there to  _ explain _ ? I saw the text, I saw your bag, and it took  _ Jenna _ telling me to make me see. I can’t  _ believe  _ you.” 

      “You read my texts? Wait- who the fuck is this Jenna?” The name sounded familiar, but how would she know if he was using or not?

      “Jenna? Oh, nobody important. Just  _ Debby’s roommate. _ ” 

      Everything made sense now. Josh knew he should’ve put two and two together. The comment about how the welcome mat wasn’t Debby’s decision, the pictures of her with a tall blonde woman with striking eyes that lined the hall to her room, and the packages of corner store chips in their pantry. Tyler had mentioned Jenna over and over to Josh, and had even showed him a picture of her from some social media platform, but he had either been high or hadn’t brought himself to care enough to even look up. It truly was a small world.

      Josh steadied himself, still cradling his face. “Tyler,” he tried. “Please, let’s talk about this at home. Or somewhere private.  _ Please _ . It’s not a public matter.”

      Tyler swallowed, pissed at every word that fell from Josh’s lips. “You decided that it wasn’t private when you decided to bring heroin into the apartment. Regardless of if it’s  _ your  _ apartment or not, you have to think about others for a change. You’re not the only one this affects.” His voice broke at the end and he broke down in sobs. This was beginning to overwhelm him. The drug use reminded him of a part in his life that he never wants to revisit. He couldn’t take it. Not anymore. With the rest of his strength, he managed back to his car and sat, waiting for Josh. Sure, he was livid over this, but that doesn’t mean he should let him freeze.

      Josh got the memo and slid awkwardly into the passenger seat. The heat and anger seething off of Tyler only made the air thicker. It was hard enough for Josh to breath. He felt what could only be described as a ghost hand wrap around his throat. Thicker and thicker, he had to put extra effort into maintaining a steady breath. It was then when he could feel his heart beating miles a minute, jumping to every place in his body save for where it should be. He needed a hit. 

      Pissed didn’t even come close to describing Tyler’s current state. No word could do justice to it. He felt his foot go heavy on the pedal, forcing him to take a deep breath and calm down-- just enough to safely get them to the apartment. 

      Tyler waited for Josh at the staircase to the door. He scowled as Josh took his precious time scuffling through the thin layer of snow that blanketed the walkway. He had no clue the world of hurt he was about to enter. 

      Josh knew a decision would have to be made. It would be a hard one.

      And with that last thought, they sulked into the apartment, leaving any good memories at the doorstep. 


	5. Chapter 5

       Calmness was always the most terrifying form of anger. There’s something in the voice of tranquility that tinges fear in the victim. In this case, Tyler leaned against the window, cool and collected as Josh sat stiff on his messy bed. 

       The silence was broken by a loud sigh from Tyler. “Josh,” he started. “I can’t tell you how disappointed I am in you. You’re an adult, and you make your own decisions, I know. But as your friend, it’s my responsibility to tell you when you make the wrong one.” His eyes met Josh’s before continuing. “I can’t control what you do, but I need you to know that I  _ do  _ care about you. I care about how you’re doing, and right now, you’re not so hot.”

       Josh crossed his arms and sulked into himself. “I know-”

       “Let me finish,” Tyler interrupted. “Heroin isn’t something you want to mess with, okay? It might  _ seem  _ fine now, but before you know it, you’re gonna become reliant on it. That’s  _ not  _ what you want.”

       “How would  _ you  _ know? It’s not even that bad,” he admitted. “It feels...  _ amazing _ . Better than anything I’ve ever experienced before. Besides, I  _ know  _ how to do it.” He huffed. “It’s not exactly easy to overdose on when you know what you’re doing.”

       “Oh so you’re an expert now? After what-  _ two weeks _ ? Do you even  _ know  _ what you’re getting? Who it  _ actually  _ comes from?” Tyler forced himself to take a breath and recollect. “Josh, there’s something I need to tell you.” He sat down at the foot of his bed, avoiding all contact with Josh. “I lost my brother, Zach, in December seven years ago.” Wiping a hand over his face, he fought the urge to stop. Josh needed to hear this. “He overdosed on heroin, Josh.” 

       Josh went rigid. He didn’t even know Tyler had a brother, let alone one that had been in a similar situation. One that was now six feet under. The thought stuck to his brain as if it had been driven in with a hammer and nail.

       “Just  _ please _ , quit for me?” He turned to meet Josh’s eyes with his own pleading ones. 

       The look struck a chord deep within Josh’s heart. “Tyler…” Unsure of what to say, he leaned forward and cradled Tyler’s face with a gentle hand. The gap was closed with a small movement from Josh. Josh worked his lips against Tyler’s unresponsive ones.

       The younger pulled back slowly, looking down. “No…” he muttered softly. “I can’t do this with you...” He stood and collected his jacket and car keys. “If I know you, which I know I do, you won’t change. I hope and pray you do, but I know you won’t. Because if I know  _ anything  _ about Josh Dun, it’s that he doesn’t back down from what he wants. But I have a question for you: which one do you want more? A good life, or heroin?” 

       Josh blinked back. This is not at all what he had planned. No reply even crossed his mind, because deep own, he knew Tyler was right. 

       “I’m moving out in a week. Until then, I’m staying somewhere else.”

       Before Josh had the time to respond, Tyler was already out the door. Only one thing would possibly make him feel better in that moment. It was the one thing he knew would be the downfall of his relationship. He shuffled to his dresser and pulled out his drawer, revealing his two options. Weed, which wouldn’t satisfy his craving but would get him just high enough to function, or heroin, which would give him the high he needed but would destroy his relationship with Tyler. It was in this moment when the decision that would affect the rest of his life would be made. He made the subconscious decision long ago, but now was the time to act on it. 

       Josh grabbed what he needed and shut the drawer. _Tonight’s gonna be a long night._


	6. Chapter 6

       Josh’s eyes fluttered open, needle still in hand and tourniquet still wrapped around his arm. As he came to, he took a moment to look around. He didn’t remember sitting down in front of the closet, yet there he lay. The drugs were still in effect, rendering his limbs nearly useless in the attempt to get back to his bed. The decision had been made.

       Tyler walked in. Stopping in his tracks as soon as he saw Josh climbing back in bed. The guilty look he received gave him the answer to the question he didn’t need to ask. Instead, he quietly began to gather his essential belongings. Anything and everything he needed to avoid Josh for as long as possible. It was evident he had been crying- the rosy cheeks, cherry nose, and the dark splotches on his shirt gave that much away. It’d been only three hours since their conversation. 

       No words were exchanged. None needed to be. Tyler packing was the only thing Josh needed to see. It pained him that this had come this far, despite just yesterday, they were making jokes with each other and just being overall pleased with one another’s presence. Tyler turned to look at the disappointment of a roommate one last time before walking out with a large box. His clothes were still in the closet, underwear still in the drawers, but his comforter, heated blanket, and space heater were all gone. 

       That’s all that needed to be gone for the room to feel barren. Knowing that Tyler wasn’t in the room, nor would be anytime soon, pulled at Josh’s heartstrings. It wasn’t fair to him at all, but that didn’t stop Josh from doing what he wanted.

       A week passed by in the blink of an eye. Josh had to ask for an advance on his paycheck so he could get his car out of the compound. Tyler hadn’t been seen in the apartment since that night. He wasn’t even heard from by anyone except his little sister Madison. The only reason she had heard from him was that he left his favorite pillow in the room. After that, he seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. 

       On another hand, Josh had to double his dose. He wasn’t getting high anymore. Instead, his usual dose just got rid of a small headache and queasy stomach. Even with the double dosage, it just wasn’t what he was after. 

       On Friday, after work, Josh walked into the room to see an empty side of the closet. The room was  _ truly  _ half empty now. The bed, a nightstand, a chest of drawers, and desk were all gone. It was nothing but Josh’s twin sized bed, and his dresser now. Cold. Tyler took the warmth Josh loved so much. Sure, he could buy another space heater, but it’s not the warmth he was looking for. Tyler is the only one who could bring that back.

       Josh let his backpack slump to the ground and shut the door, locking it. He rummaged through his stash. After pulling out his dope and needle, he sat down on his bed. His eyes grew heavy as he stared at what he held in his hands. 

       These two things are tearing him apart. His headache pounded into his skull, forcing him to load a needle up. Josh had been drinking with the guys from the warehouse, so it was done with less ease and lazier than usual. With tears in his eyes, he rolled up his sleeve, pierced the overused vein, and plunged the drugs into his bloodstream. The process had become so trivial to him.

       There was only one thing that echoed in Josh’s mind as he applied pressure to the fresh wound.  _ Tyler did this to me _ .  _ He caused this. _ Everything was his fault, and nothing was on Josh. Tyler was the one who told him no, but didn’t do anything to stop him. So everything was his fault, right?

       Josh let the train of thought leave as the pleasure washed over him. He couldn’t help but feel pathetic. To blame someone who only wanted to help was a new low for him. The thing that bothered him most wasn’t the fact Tyler left, but that he didn’t tell anyone where he had gone. 

       His phone buzzed with a notification, pulling him out of his thought. A sluggish hand reached into his pocket and pulled it out. Debbie. Groaning, he opened his phone to read the message.

_        Debbie: Why is your boy toy here and why the hell did he bring boxes _

       Puzzled, he texted back with the best of his ability.

_        Josh: whop? _

_        Josh: sho* _

_        Josh: who?** _

_        Debbie: Idk his name is Tyler. Jenna mentioned he knew you _

_        Mother fucker _ . Of course he’d crash at Jenna’s- the only friends he had, he lived with now. Josh stood and stumbled forward to his car keys. Tyler wouldn’t know what hit him.  _ Jenna’s? Really?  _ Questions rolled through his mind, none of them sticking to the organ that was close to mush. His limbs were heavy, eyes heavy, and he was in no condition to drive. That wasn’t going to stop him.

       Josh staggered out the door and faced the stairs. He was about to just turn back and climb back into bed, but then he remembered how satisfactory it would be to see the look on Tyler’s face. He hoisted himself down the flight, using the banister to ensure he didn’t slip in his altered state.

       Finally, he made it to his car. Now slumped in the driver’s seat, he fumbled with his phone to dial Debbie. It rang three times before she answered.

       “Hello?” she slurred.

       “Hey Debs,” he smiled. It was evident enough in his voice that he had just hit up to warrant a laugh from the girl on the other end. “I just wanted to let you know I’m on my way to have a, uh,  _ talk _ with Tyler.”

       She hummed. “Maybe while you’re here, you can have a quick  _ conversation _ with me?” she teased. “You’d like that big boy?” She worried her lip between her teeth.

       Josh smirked. “Read my mind, baby doll.” He started the car. “Be over in a few.” He hung up his phone and tossed it lazily on the seat next to him. With this, he started towards Debbie’s place. 

       On the way over, he only managed to run a red light, nearly side sweep someone, and hit two trashcans. It didn’t faze him at all. He came to a screeching stop in front of the quiet house, destroying the serene winter scene. Sure enough, Tyler’s car sat in the driveway. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone peek through the blinds.

       He pulled himself from the car and hobbled to the front door. The welcome mat mocked him. It reminded him of Tyler’s decision to stay with Jenna. It reminded him of Tyler. He kicked it, screwing it off center in an act of defiance. “Take  _ that _ ,” he muttered before he knocked on the door. 

       A voice, Debbie’s probably, on the other side yelled out “I’ll get it” before the doorknob jiggled. Josh prepared himself for the best argument of his life. The door opened. He didn’t waste a second in stepping in and looking around for the familiar face. 

       “Josh?” 

       Josh turned his head to the kitchen and stared. Tyler stood at the stove, dumbfounded. Shock was written across his face. “What are you doing here?” 

       Josh leaned against a wall to keep his balance. “You- You think you can just… fuck my entire life and- and just waltz out?” His words were slurred and jumbled together, but that didn’t stop him from continuing. “You’re a pitiful excuse of a human. Horrible, no good, piece of shit.” He stumbled forward to the bar that separated the kitchen from living room. “You know- I- I thought you were  _ different _ , Tyler.”

       Tyler took a step back, scared of the person who stood in front of him. He knew this  _ wasn’t  _ Josh. Josh would  _ never  _ say these things- and even if he did, he wouldn’t do it while he was drunk. Blood rushed to his face. 

       “But  _ no _ , you had to go and  _ fuck it all up _ with your  _ perfect  _ family, and- and your  _ perfect _ face, and your  _ perfect  _ life.” Furious tears welled in Josh’s eyes as he moved to knock over the cup of wine Tyler had been sipping from when he walked in. It was nearly empty anyways, but it proved the point that he was upset. 

       Debbie watched as this unfolded, unbothered by any of it. “Josh,” she cooed. “Can you get to the point so we can go to my room?”

       From the corner of his eye, Josh saw a blonde woman peek out from a doorway.  _ Jenna.  _

       Josh huffed and glared at the younger man. “Let me know how your ‘ _ relationship’ _ goes.” He turned to the girl in the doorway. With snark, he spat out a sharp “oh and by the way, Jenna. Don’t be afraid to get rough. Sure as hell enjoyed it when I did.” 

       Tyler shrunk into himself, tears welling up in his eyes. This is not at all what he expected to be doing today. 

       Josh scoffed and shuffled to the familiar space of Debbie’s bedroom, stopping before the door. The girl stopped before the room and turned to him before pulling the blue haired man in for a harsh kiss. They disappeared behind the door.

       Tyler slid down the wall behind him, burying his face his his hands and letting out a sob. Knives of hurt pierced through his heart and brain. It was too much for him. Their break off from each other had taken a toll on him. Josh meant a lot to Tyler, that much was given, but he never would’ve guessed that it would affect his life to this extent. He hated it.

       Jenna carefully sat beside him. She didn’t know what to do other than to sit and be a shoulder to cry on. “Tyler,” she whispered, pulling him into a tight hug. Her blue eyes filled with tears. Seeing Tyler like this sent waves of guilt through her body. “It’s okay, Ty, it’s gonna be okay.

       He let out another sob. “I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep seeing him like this.” He leaned into Jenna’s support. “I- I’m in love with him, Jenna.” Tyler knit his brows as he glanced to Jenna’s caring eyes. 

       “I know,” she offered a soft smile. “I know.” She cradled his head in her chest. It was the best thing she could offer. It seemed to work well enough.

       The tears soon dried, as did the spinach on the stove. Tyler sniffled one last time and stood, bringing Jenna up with him. He gave her a tight hug to say thanks before turning to switch the stove off. Dinner was burnt now. Takeout it is.

       Tyler didn’t think twice before admitting he loved Josh. He hadn’t thought about it much before that moment, but it was the truth. It felt weird to say it, especially to someone who was interested in him. Now to think: would he linger and try to get Josh to quit, or move on? He certainly had some thinking to do. 


End file.
